Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
