Nicole vs. Life
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
