we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
