She's JV to your varsity
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
