gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
