Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
