So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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