Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This house was built for laser tag.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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