You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Four minutes until I can fart!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
