It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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