please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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