you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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