he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
