go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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