shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
