i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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