she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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