I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
