normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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