I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
