he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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