Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize