apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
