i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
