When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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