he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
