just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
