So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
