I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
