i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
