He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
