Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well you can't waste a boner
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
