Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
