i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize