I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And then my night got REAL pukey
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
