I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
