Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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