'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
