All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
