why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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