We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
