dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
