Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
