Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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