Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
