a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize