I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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