Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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