You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
