she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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