i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
