Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
