i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This is the high leading the old right now
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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