Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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