im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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