Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
