Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
His nipple licking is glorious
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