mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
