I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize