So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
