her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
