the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize