if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
