R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
