at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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