If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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