i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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