Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
