please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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