I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
