ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think people are normalizing furries
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
