Umm I'm too high to move.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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