So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
