The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
someone owes me an orgasm
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
