hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
