is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
