her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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