I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
