You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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