i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
